How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
