I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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