I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
