i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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