she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
