your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
