You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.