so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death