its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I love having hate sex.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.