Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The power of my boobs compel you
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?