So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
