Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
