DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
