I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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