Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
