I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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