Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
