Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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