My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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