You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
