if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
