Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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