I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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