He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
