hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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