I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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