My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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