I heard we made out
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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