they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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