theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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