We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
