How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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