So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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