how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Houston, we have a squirter
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
