I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
