i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
