My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
be right there i have to get my cape
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
