she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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