I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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