Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we made out on top of his cat.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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