Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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