I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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