Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize