wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So vagazzling was a success
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
