I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
