Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
