I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
