So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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