Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
