Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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