how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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