Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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