I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
