my phone needs a breathalizer
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
