You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
