So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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