his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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