this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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