I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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