I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize