it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
