btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
